Tweet inside my head song download#

And then I did imagine releasing the wasps. I just scoffed, as he doddered past, and thought about how my compulsion in that moment wasn’t to smile, but to laugh. And a woman whose eyes could bore through concrete is not that. They are things that are supposed to be pleasant to look at. Being told to smile when you’ve had a fucking shit day, and maybe a shit year is just another example of how, for some men, our bodies aren’t really ours. It is every time we’re told to smile when we feel like shit, every time that we have our own jokes or experiences explained back to us because we’re apparently too stupid to understand them. When they do, it is the culmination of days or weeks or years of this trash. But there is always a breaking point, there is always a final comment, that thing that happens that causes a buzzing hoard to come spilling out. One comment, dear reader, is never enough, and I’m sure you know this well. Now, I should note: this comment alone would not have been enough to release the swarming nest. And so he shouted – SHOUTED – across the lobby to me. Besides, I knew: once the wasps get out, you can’t put them back in.Īnd some guy walked by, some nondescript middle-aged man in a suit, and he saw me, sitting there, my face chiseled from stone itself, and he just had to say something, because lord knows a woman can’t be left alone with her thoughts. These were the thoughts that were buzzing in my head and in my chest as I sat there, holding it all in because damn it, I’m not messing up good a good winged cat-eye at 4pm. How when my mother’s house burned down not too long ago I realized how close I was to losing her, and I realized how I’d lost so much of what I had left of my father (the letters, the photos, the tiny Russian nesting dolls he bought me when I was little), and how I was just desperate, desperate to hold on to some part of both of them. How you can say it a thousand times and try to ready yourself as much as you can and nothing will prepare you for the gut punch that is losing a parent. And trying not to think too hard about my dad, and what it was like when he died, and what it means to say goodbye to people. Maybe I’m the only person made of wasps here.)īut I was doing a good job. Have you ever been there? Where your entire body feels like it’s made of wasps, and if someone just jostles you the tiniest bit, they’re all going to come streaming out and it’s going to be a mess because there will be yellowjackets everywhere? And she finally went insane because too many random dudes told her to smile, so now she perpetually smiles while terrorizing Gotham.

I was waiting for Rand, and leaning with my head tilted back against the wall, and just trying to hold it together. An exhausting, emotionally draining day filled with some of the more intense stuff you can deal with in a family dynamic (I’ll just leave it at that). I wrote this tweet in the lobby of a hotel in downtown Seattle after I’d had a day. (Uncontrollable, raging fires usually are.) It’s been both somewhat alarming and interesting. Recently my Twitter replies were doused in gasoline and set alight.

Tweet inside my head song download#

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